last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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