the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
