Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
