i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
