Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
