There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
