Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
