Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
