last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
