Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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