and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
be right there i have to get my cape
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
