So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
