for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
