Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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