I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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