love makes seman taste better
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
