Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
