They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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