I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
