I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
