I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think your dad took our porno
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
