we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
