Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
