OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
