My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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