If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
