I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
