just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
