He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
