Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
