They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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