Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
