You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
