dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
