We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
