I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
