it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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