I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
