you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
