I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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