I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
