So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
