he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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