real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
