I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
