i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
