went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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