I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I puked a lego.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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