He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
