I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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