I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
