Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The air was thick with penises
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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