Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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